I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
