Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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