Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
this hospital has no fireball
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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