dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize