Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
