Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
