Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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