Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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