Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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