at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
