Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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