I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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