You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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