Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
