Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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