Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
