names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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