Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
