So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I want a musical about memes.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
