Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
