You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
