ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
