Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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