If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
