drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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