I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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