I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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