my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
