a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize