Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
