The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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