Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
