oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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