This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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