There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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