as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
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