I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
