he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
