i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
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