youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
