New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
