the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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