white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
