I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
