we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
