No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
