Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
