mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
