well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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