I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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