He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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