you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
