Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
