first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
