I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
