So drunk its hurt
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize