You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
