Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize