The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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