Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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