nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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