Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
