Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
