So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
