you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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