Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
