That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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