She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
