I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
